I am

Photo credit : Ailsa Watson

---

For National Poetry Day

I wrote this free-form poem (with minor alterations) at the start of this year. It was a contribution to the Sustaining Life as a Creative Programme, run by the wonderful Creative Learning team in Aberdeen, which I was very fortunate to take part in. 
​The brief was to describe our creative journey. 

I am
 
I am the small pigtailed girl
Perched on the window seat, with
sugar paper and poster paints,
brush and water pot,
newspaper protecting
the wooden trolley
 
I am that girl in shorts and tee-shirt
on the west coast shore
searching for crabs every summer
under stones,
exploring rockpools
before rockpooling was a thing
collecting shells and pebbles,
sticks and stones
 
I am the girl playing in the
corrugated iron shed behind
my granny’s house
wildflowers in a jam jar on the rickety table -
the hedgehog visiting -
imagination my best friend
 
I’m the schoolgirl sailing on the loch
with my first love
 
I'm the teenager climbing hills with friends
gazing over Scotland  -
hills and heather
burns and boulders,
big skies
 
I am the student, drawing in my lab book,
Learning the nature of science
I am the scientist, fishing for facts about
Trout and mackerel and herring,
 
I am the translator, editor, creator,
putter-together of research volumes,
organiser of conferences and treasurer of troves
 
I am the mum with no clue -
doing, not making,
(except soup and cakes and occasionally marmalade)
Making do,
with a head crammed full, jammed full
of domesticity,
a scarcity of time to call mine
 
I am the thirty-something friend,
persuaded to trade
My violin for a fiddle,
To play tunes with people
Who would become pals
To add another dimension
to being
 
I am the mandolin-playing ceilidh band member,
calling out dance steps
- Oh, the feeling of power!
​ 
I am the teacher of students,
The organiser of labs and lectures,
Marker of essays,
And later,
Developer of screen-based things
With no song to sing
Or dance to bring
 
I am the escapee,
Fleeing to evening classes -
Some shaky pots, a few pale paintings,
Tiny steps
 
My sketchbook brought along
On family holidays
For rare moments of
aloneness
 
I am the e-learning adviser,
Brain addled by screens,
Quitting the squeaky lino floors
Before it was too late
 
I am the pupil once more, online
And for real,
(because I respond well to being
given homework)
 
I am the walker,
Walking with purpose -
Two Moonwalks
In three years. 
And Ben Nevis
No hesitation –
meditation.
 
I am the delivery driver,
Dropping off veg
Noticing things.
Gathering ideas
 
I am the spinner of stories
Weaver of yarns
 
I am the open studios partaker
Opening the door to my shed,
Pretending it is a studio,
letting people in to my life
To ask me questions
Which I find hard to answer –
When, What, Why, How?
It seems that some
Wish they had my life, whatever they
May think that is – living the dream –
An endless stream of ideas, most of which
Get washed away in the shower -
Down the drain, never to be
Seen again.
 
I am the artist, maker,
Creator of things
Which bring joy
 
I am the West coast
Inhabitant -
Still walking the tideline
In search of shells and pebbles,
Bleached bones of wood
Filling my pockets
Again and again
Still looking out to sea
And finding
Something there